The Unforgiveable Curses
by Emmy Black Potter
Summary: Harry was afraid of them. And, yet, one by one, they became tolerable.
1. Imperius

**Imperius**

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><p>"The visible horror has less power over the soul that the imagined horror".<p>

_William Shakespeare_

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><p><strong>H<strong>ARRY HAD ALWAYS BEEN AFRAID OF CONTROL. His Uncle, Vernon, had always liked being in control – he really enjoyed. Harry, on the other hand, hated the fact. The control in his uncle's hands meant, in general, unhappiness.

Not for the Dursleys; but for little Harry. And with unhappiness came the pain and the suffering. Little Harry did not want to do freak things – as well as his Aunt Petunia stressed. He didn't want and, at the same time, he wanted.

In those moments, where _magic _happened, Harry could imagine himself in control of everything. He could make his own hair grow, shrink big things, even fly. And his Uncle and Aunt seemed afraid of the fact, or the least thought. Then, Harry knew he was in control.

Later, years later, Harry found another meaning for "_control"._ It wasn't unhappiness, pain or suffering. The control, however, neither was tinged with joy and bouncing bunnies. He had a bitter taste in his mouth… Anticipation? Or was pity?

After that, Harry decided it would be foolish to be afraid of the control. His Aunt and Uncle did not control him anymore, as well as the power was not happiness or sympathy for those who are afraid.

And, so, Harry just threw the Imperius Curse off his mind.


	2. Cruciatus

**Cruciatus**

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><p>"Regretting a past pain in the present is create another pain and suffering again".<p>

_William Shakespeare_

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><p><strong>H<strong>ARRY HAD ALWAYS BEEN AFRAID OF PAIN. When smaller, curled up in his cupboard under the stairs, he feared that some day, he would die for feeling so much pain by Uncle Vernon's beatings. He was afraid of dying; suffering so, but so much pain that his heart gave up – as well as he had given up of try to be happy.

However, no pain was enough to blackout Harry – not even in the times that he gave up, but not his heart. Some years later – when the little one learned to behave like his Uncle and Aunt like and the beating became tolerable -, little Harry feared dying of emotional pain. He feared, with all his virtue.

He did _not _want to be called freak, or "boy". His name was Harry and his surname was Potter – not "monster". During a while, he wished, wished and wished that he'd given up in the middle of a beating. Then, he would not have to feel only the physical, but also emotional pain.

Relinquishment never came. Even when he accepted that the last thing he would feel was the pain of basilisk venom running through his veins, or, perhaps, a dementor sucking his soul from his body. And, for some reason, his mind refused to give up while feeling the Cruciatus.

Then, Harry decided that if his conscious mind could overcome the Cruciatus Curse, he could bear other pains. Not because they do not ache, but because he was no longer afraid of feeling them. As well as he felt that night in the graveyard and, without giving up like he sometimes wanted in his life, lived.


	3. Avada Kedavra

**Avada Kedavra**

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><p>"The death seems less terrible when you're tired".<p>

_Simone de Beauvoir_

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><p><strong>H<strong>ARRY HAD ALWAYS BEEN AFRAID OF DEATH. He was afraid of dying alone in his dark cupboard, without having known the world or someone who liked him. The idea of dying while sighing of anguish also made him uneasy.

Harry wanted to die very, very old; sitting in a rocking chair, closing his eyes and rest, at last. However, through the agony and misery that was his childhood, his desire was, sometimes, obscured by the great desire to sleep and never wake up.

Maybe, just ignore the world as it ignored him and dream. Dream as if there was no sorrow or suffering. And if he died, Harry knew that he would dream forever.

But he still feared. After all, what has left the sea of mishaps and oddities that it was living with his Uncle, Aunt and Cousin, was his parents' death. _Car accident_, said Aunt Petunia, so convinced that her lie would be enough to solve his curiosity.

Still, little Harry was curious about the subject. Why he had to survive when his parents accepted death? From that thought, the fear became not only fear, but also fascination.

The fascination, however, gone when he saw the dead spider in Moody's bench. He did not want to look there, much less hear the Professor saying that he was the only one who survived. His parents hadn't, but he had. And, some months later, Cedric had not too. But, then again, he had.

And the fear turned fright when Sirius passed through the veil. During the few moments of hatred directed to Bellatrix, Harry allowed himself to forget that fear and seek revenge. In his room, alone, he had to admit that his worst fear was dying.

Not pain, not disease, not even homicide. Only die.

Nevertheless, he walked without trembling into the forest. He saw the jet of green light that it was the Killing Curse coming toward him with every pore of his body telling him to duck or curl up into a ball and shake, terrified. And, yet, he did not.

In fact, he was still afraid when he opened his eyes and saw a huge white light. Upon returning, however, Harry realized a precious thing: he had no fear of death.

He was afraid to see someone die, as he had seen his friends or acquaintances do; dreaming forever, while he slept and woke up every day.


End file.
